Today's Thought

Embrace the Four Fundamental Laws of Communication

You're on the way to the airport. You get on the plane witha book that you've been planning to read for quite sometime. As you open your book, you glance at the person nextto you. A few minutes later you are asked a question andyou reluctantly answer. You lower your book a bit to bepolite and after a few minutes you find yourself puttingyour book down and engaging in a conversation, although witha lack of enthusiasm. And then the person next to you,let's call him John, makes an observation about you that'squite perceptive and sensitive. You start to become curiousabout who John is and in the course of the conversation, hetells you of an experience he has only shared with a fewpeople. You let John know that you have had the sameexperience. By now you're totally engaged and listening toevery word he says. You notice every nuance in theinflection of his voice and the way he moves. Time seems tostand still and the next thing you know the plane lands. You say goodbye to the kindred soul you have just met.

Wouldn't you love to have these experiences more often? You feel heard and everything seems possible. It iscommunication at its highest level and it's a lost art. You can have these experiences more often if you embrace the four fundamental truths of communication.

The first truth is to know that what we all want on adeeper level is the ability to connect with another, to touch each other's soul. Unfortunately, too many of ourconversations are just an exchange of ideas and information and we very rarely penetrate the surface. Most of our focus is on how we are going to respond to what is being said instead of listening. When we know that what the other person really wants is connection, there is common ground to build upon. With this foundation, we can build relationships that can deepen and empower those involved.

The second truth is to know that listening involves muchmore than just listening to the words. It is tuning into the energy beyond the words. It is understanding the needs and feelings of the other person. It is about being totally engaged and at the same time being in the rhythm of life.Yes, it takes a lot of energy but you will be energized by what you get back. Imagine living in a world where you aretruly listening and fully engaged.

The third truth is to know that you must take responsibilityfor the quality of your communication. Because we all have long standing attitudes and beliefs we sometimes find ourselves trying to convince the other person of our view points. Being right then becomes the goal of the interaction rather than communication and the next thing you know you are in a full-fledged argument. Just think of what happens when you discuss politics or religion. Is being right more important than experiencing one of those magical moments?

The fourth truth is that communication is a process and an art. Being a masterful communicator doesn't happen overnight but it starts with the intention to experience more connection in your busy life. Just like other art forms, i.e. dancing or music, their is a natural ebb and flow in the learning cycle. As your commitment deepens to this process you notice that you are having more frequent glimpses of the magic that is possible in your life. The ultimate communication occurs when you are able to touch each others soul and share who you are. This new-found magic then becomes the gateway to a more fulfilling life.

At our core level we all have the same human needs and desires. We want to know that we matter and that our life has meaning and purpose. We also have the need to love and to be loved. When we accept and recognize that we all have these human needs and desires we realize that we are part of one human family. When we work together as one, what ispossible in our lives, communities, and the world expands.

Embracing the 4 fundamental truths of communication and applying them to your daily life is a gift to all involved.It is a way to deepen the connection in your life.

© 2005 Mark Susnow, formerly a successful trial attorney inspires leaders and professionals to implement their visionof the future. He is a life coach, speaker, and group facilitator. Listen to an audio message from Mark and join his newsletter "Letters on Life" at http://www.inspirepossibility.com