Today's Thought

OLIVER'S TWIST ON...A Holiday Gift Of A Different Kind

Over the holidays my nephew Daniel was given a mobile phone as a gift and I was observing him struggle over what calling plan to use. There was a considerable amount of advice being directed at him by family members (me included) as to what they thought the best plan was, and why.

While participating in the melee I observed that…We were all trying to "sell" him on the idea we had the best answer for him…Daniel wasn't listening to any of us! (Sound familiar?)

In fact he was actively, verbally and passively resisting everything we said, no matter how well meaning we were. And yet we continued to pound at him with the objective of getting one of our answers accepted! (Still familiar?)

While observing, it occurred to me there was a reason he was blocking and resisting our "answers" to his problem. I had a feeling the problem we were attempting to "help him with" was not the real problem. It was also clear the reason he wasn't listening to us was that we weren't listening to him! His resistance was a huge signal.

We kept ignoring and pushing against it. Why did we do this? Because we all fell into the same-old, same-old easy trap of telling (selling) instead of asking and listening.

By being able to detach from the debate and observe, a question materialized.
"Do you want the phone Daniel?" I asked.
To which he replied, "Perhaps a better question is, 'Do I need the phone'?"
Huh? A gift! (It's amazing if you create some space and "give" a little, how much people will give back!)
So I took the gift and asked; "Do you need the phone Daniel?"
"No!" he replied.
"Then… do you want the phone?"
"No, not really!"
"Can I ask why?"
"Because I really don't have any use for one! I've looked at the various ways it might help me but overall I just can't find any benefit."
"So then the real issue is not about deciding what plan to use, it's about finding whether you have a need or a desire to have a mobile phone in the first place… would that be right?"
"Yes. I hadn't thought about that!"

Now we could all move on by giving him time to think about what he wanted to do, or help him by asking relevant questions based on the real issue.

So what lessons can we learn from this when talking with prospective partners, customers, associates, friends and family?

Find and Focus on the correct issues. Many times they are not what you think they are.
Make sure you've been asked for advice before giving it!
Stop persisting when someone is resisting. Instead, find the cause of the resistance! The cause could be you!
Your questions are not just for you!
Listen, observe and act on the verbal and body language and body clues.

Oh, and if you're wondering what Daniel did, he decided to become part of the digital revolution!

Have a peaceful and prosperous…
Michael Oliver

Copyright, 2005, Michael Oliver, Natural Selling®
"Reprinted with permission from Michael Oliver,
Natural Selling® Sales Training http://www.naturalselling.com "